Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I survived..

I must be sick.

I have to be.

Why else would I seriously be cleaning out my closet and organizing?

Somewhere deep in my body there was motivation today. Don't ask where it came from because my answer is about as good as yours. I was so motivated to clean today that I started at 11:00 and with no breaks at all, and cleaned until 4:38. Well, while cleaning my closet I saw my Christmas storage, so of course I just HAD to organize my Christmas decorations. Inside one box I found my old diary...

My initial thought was, "This ain't decorations." Well, while I had it what the heck, might as well read some out of it and see the dates. It started in 2013 and stopped July 4th, 2014. I read through it laughing about old ex boyfriends, things I had thought back then and then I flipped to the last page that I had written on. It was not even close to the last page in the book, so why did I stop writing?

I began reading about my last boyfriend, we will call him "The Utterly Ridiculous Dog", or TURD for short. Anyway, Turd and I had been on the phone on July 4th and he said "Give me time." I brushed it off and decided I was going to write out my frustrations. I couldn't find a job, had applied EVERYWHERE. I was beginning to get angry because I couldn't find a job and it was taking a toll on our relationship. I guess he thought I was a bum. It seemed that was how I felt.

Then after voicing my frustrations with him, jobs and myself. I wrote "goodnight. -adrian"

That was the last page.

I sat there thinking a moment, on July 7th (i think.) that was the day he broke up with me. I searched my Christmas box for anything I could write with. I found a purple crayon. Ugh, it'll do.

I turned the page and wrote "I survived the "worst break-up ever". I was cheated on for 6 months out of 11 or 12 months. and I survived."

I flipped the page.

I began writing again, "Note to whoever is reading this: Don't miss the red flags. Don't put up with anything. and beware of the cashiers at his favorite restaurants ha!"

I sat there a moment smiling at the book, then I began writing on one last page, "In a week, I lost 15 lbs., I cried all the time and randomly, I threw up ALOT, I ignored calls and texts more, I lost a part of myself that week, I built a wall around myself and swore to never let any guy in ever again. I would be single, adopt a child and live my life how I wanted. Then when I was least expecting it I met this guy who after 9 months of us dating was finally able to break down my walls and between him and God I have become even better than I was before." and that guy who stole my heart away is my sweet Farmer.

So, if you're ever going through anything where you think that the world is closing in on you just remember to breathe deeply, relax, and become a better person than you were before. If I can do it after what I felt was the "worst break-up in the history of break-ups" then anyone can.

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